Here's the script for the first three "comic" pages of RED ICE. You'll notice a lot of rewritten dialogue. It's a liberty I take on self-produced projects. Given that I've lettered every comics I've written (with one exception, book two of SHADOWCAST for Harcourt), I feel no need to refine and rewrite the dialogue until I'm drawing balloons on the page. It gives me more control over the flow and how they stack in the balloons and captions.
But enough commentary. Enjoy the script!
PAGE 1PANEL 1 (TOP 2/3RDS OF PAGE)Mars from space. It consumes the entire panel except for a sliver of space just above the north polar ice cap. In the top left section of the panel, we see Deimos, Mar’s smallest moon. It’s 15 km across. More like a deformed asteroid than an actual moon, Deimos is much closer to Mars than the Moon is to earth. It is in the midst of a solar eclipse, casting a tiny dot of a shadow on the surface. Landing bays and small buildings are woven throughout the moon. Get inventive: radar dishes, solar panels, lights, etc. It’s a relay station for incoming and outgoing traffic to Mars. A few shuttles are orbiting it. A few are leaving. One is entering the atmosphere below. It’s run of the mill traffic. Everything has a MARS CORPORATION logo.
1 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) DEAR DANA,
PANEL 2 (NEW TIER)Long shot Deimos. A cargo shuttle (looks like a Mack truck with jet engines instead of wheels) is pulling into the dock.
2 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) THIS FRESH START HASN’T BEEN WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD.
PANEL 3 (SLIGHTLY LARGER THAN PANEL 2)Same shot, but the landing bay explodes with furious anger sending the surrounding shuttles and a chunk of rock spinning toward the planet.
3 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) I’VE HATED EVERY MOMENT OF IT.
PAGE 2PANEL 1 (FULL TIER)Panoramic shot of a vast, rocky Martian plain. A transport rumbles along kicking up huge amounts of dust in its wake. It has a big MARS CORPORATION logo on its side. Elysium Mons dominates the background.
1 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) THE AGENCY SAID THAT FOR A MONTH DURING THE SUMMER, TEMPERATURES REACH SIXTY DEGREES.
2 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) WHAT THEY DIDN’T TELL ME IS THAT IT’S TWENTY BELOW AT MY ANKLES.
3 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) AND THAT EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN EGGS.
PANEL 2 (INSET ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF PANEL 1)Long shot, angled down on Mars. A huge chunk of Deimos burns towards the planet.
NO DIALOGUE
PANEL 3 (FULL TIER)Roland Allegro sits in a transport in a row along with ten other excavators. He types on CommPilot, a futuristic palm pilot kind of device that most people use on Mars (it’s the narration/letter). Everyone on the transport is suited up for outside activities with their helmets and facemasks in their lap. A row of spare oxygen tanks is latched behind and above them. Everyone has frost on their breath. A few guys have full beards full of frozen droplets of condensation. The rough Martian landscape jostles them to and fro. They aren’t very comfortable; none of them look like they want to be here. Especially Roland. The guy next to him, Alex, sneezes.
4 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) FAIA LEFT ME. SAID I LIVED IN THE PAST TOO MUCH, THEN TOOK A JOB WITH GOV-4 SECURITY.
5 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) I WANT TO GO HOME, AND I HAVEN’T EVEN PAID MY WAY HERE YET.
PANEL 4 (INSET ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF PANEL 3)Long shot, angled down on Mars. That huge chunk of Deimos just keeps spinning towards the ground.
NO DIALOGUE
PANEL 5 (NEW TIER)Same shot as previous. Roland hands Alex a couple of nose filters as Alex brushes dust from his suit’s neck.
6 ROLAND: BLESS YOU. NEED A PAIR?
7 ALEX: THANKS. NAME’S ALEX.
8 ALEX: (CONNECTED) CAN’T GET AWAY FROM THE SHIT.
PANEL 6Same shot as previous. Roland rests both hands on his helmet and wrinkles his nose. The guy sneezes again.
9 ROLAND: I KNOW. THIS DAMN DUST--HELL, IT’S TOO SMALL TO EVEN BE DUST--IT GETS EVERYWHERE.
10 VOICE: (ELECTRIC, NO TAIL) ETA IN FOUR MINUTES. SUIT UP.
PAGE 3PANEL 1Close medium shot, angled up on Roland tediously shoveling. In the background, Alex man a stripped down, a backhoe made with an aluminum frame and lined with solar panels. Instead of treads it has giant wheels like a monster truck.
1 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME HEAR ANY MORE IS THE 300TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION NEXT YEAR. OLYMPUS WANTS THE OLD COLONY DUG UP AND RENOVATED.
PANEL 2Long medium shot. Same angle. He’s shoves the shovel down hard into the Martian soil.
2 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) IT’S THE CLOSEST THING TO ARCHEOLOGY I CAN GET ON THIS PLANET.
3 SFX: CLANG!
PANEL 3 (NEW TIER, SLIGHTLY LARGER AND OVERLAPPING OTHER TWO TIERS)Medium shot. General Hand is frantically screaming into a videophone. Lot’s of dim light here, many shadows.
4 HAND: HAVE WE HEARD FROM THE FIELD TEAM YET?
5 VOICE: (ELECTRIC TAIL TO VIDEOPHONE) YES, SIR. THEY’RE AWAITING YOUR ORDERS.
PANEL 4 (NEW TIER)Medium shot, angled down on hand. He sits at his desk hanging his head in front of the videophone.
6 HAND: TELL THEM TO MOVE IN AT FIRST CONTACT.
7 HAND: (CONNECTED) AND SCRAMBLE RESCUE SHUTTLES TO DEIMOS.
8 HAND: WE DON’T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.
PANEL 5 (NEW TIER)Close on the hole in the ground. Roland has pushed aside enough dirt to reveal a dull metal surface beneath the regolith with a faint, weathered American flag painted on it.
9 ROLAND: (ELECTRIC, OP, TOP LEFT) OVER HERE! I’VE GOT SOMETHING!
10 ELECTRIC: (NO TAIL) ROLAND, CHECK IT OUT! FROM THE EAST AT TWO O’CLOCK.
PANEL 6Medium shot, angled up from the ground. Roland looks over his shoulder, shielding his eyes from the glare of Deimos as it burns brilliantly through the air.
11 CAPTION: (ROLAND CAPTION) I HOPE I GET A CHANCE TO DO MORE THAN SHOVEL DIRT AROUND.
12 ELECTRIC: (NO TAIL) WE’RE CLEAR. GOV-4 SAYS IT’S HEADING FOR THE M.P. LET’S GET BACK TO WORK